I try writing and I get a couple of things out but then I don't like anything else. Usually I can only write dark things. Earlier I wrote this but I can't finish it. Its hard to ever finish anything I write...
Sucking the passon from my lips
Blank stares and cold hands help you forget everything I am
Cut into the hole where your black heart lies
Torture me with neglect and useless necessary things
Quilting the same pattern from our past into our future
Tomorrow will be the same charade
Things with Mike are good but there are some things that bother me. I hate the way guys get sucked into the tv or computer(useless necessary things). I think I watch too many movies and expect the fate/destiny/romance that hollywood propaganda portrays. Guys and girls don't think alike. Guys are more materialistic with cars and other expensive toys to out do each other and girls want some kind of head over heels sweep me off my feet romance. I mean I would rather sit and play the "question game" then watch tv.
I've never been the one to avoid arguements but I do now. I can't stand to fight or argue or anything b/c I know that when we get in our first real big fight my ass is just going to pack up and leave. There have been so many times already when I was about to buy a plane ticket home. Not from fighting with Mike though. I don't know if I'm growing up/maturing or just avoiding conflict. I mean my mom is a laid back lady and nothing bothers her...at least she doesn't show it. So am I just growing into that and nothing is wrong with me or am I avoiding conflict?
I think thats it for now...I have a pounding stress headache after all that. xoxo
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