1 hour to go, my editor tells me if I have family waiting I can leave an hour early and he won't tell anyone ;)
My parents arrived arounf 2:30 p.m. and have been sitting in my dorm since. Leaving for the last time is always wierd. Don't know what to say, do I leave quietly or announce that I'm going? Who even knows. Besides, I guess I'll see everyone at Brian's tonight.
ByeBye Argus...
7.29.2005
We posted at almost the same time....
Wow.
Diane, I hope you didn't think I was being critical or anything. Just trying to make lite of a situation I know would piss me off too.
and it's weird we posted like one minute apart.
Diane, I hope you didn't think I was being critical or anything. Just trying to make lite of a situation I know would piss me off too.
and it's weird we posted like one minute apart.
Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler...
Don't get me wrong. I know I don't know everything or even half of the stuff about massage therapy but it pissed me off that I had a secretary telling me this. Another massage therapist saying it would have been fine, but when I've been on other massage interviews they've always said I need to apply more pressure. Its going to be different every where I go and different places expect different things, but I don't think this lady knows what shes talking about...she types all day.
The Quad Cities vs STL Metro Area (home)
Hey a long time ago I planned to post this as a way to cure my boredom. But also, even though I'm not a big numbers lady, it gives me pleasure to try and put these in perspective.
Just, take a look.
thank census.gov for this by the way...
I took the following areas:
Alton 29,774
Godfrey 16,974
East Alton 6,680
Edwardsville 23,953
Bethalto 9,670
Jerseyville 8,068
Wood River 11,085
All the main towns around home. I added the populations to get a random population over milage number. A total of 106,204 ppl, unless my calculator sucks. This gives an average area population of 15,172, a little smaller than Godfrey.
Besides Alton/Godfrey/E. Alton, that run together, the surrounding towns are kinda spread out. To the closest big city, STL of course (343,279), Jerseyville is the farthest away at 43.5 miles away.
I probably should have included Brighton, but get over it- also I excluded smaller towns like Rosewood Heights, Fosterburg and Cottage Hills (and the like).
Then I took the Quad Cities:
Rock Island 38,807
Moline 42,927
Bettendorf, IA 31,615
Davenport,IA 98,355
E. Moline 21,114
Silvis 7,423
Total pop: 240,241 (nearly the size of STL altogether)
Pop. average: 40,040
I also left out little cities surrounding these. The difference is that there are NO smaller towns in between these listed, only surrounding them. Each town runs directly into one another. If u start in Bettendorf (which also touches Moline), u can head west to Davenport, then south to Rock Island, then East to Moline, keep going East into E. Moline and then Silvis.
Technically its a more populated area, and closer together.... which makes for a pretty big area, the entirety of which tends to remind me a bit of home although the size differences. The closest big city is IN the area, although it is 3 times smaller than STL, Davenport. From one the two farthest ends of the area, on a map (silvis to davenport) is only 16 miles. Roughly the distance from where Alton turns into Godfrey to Jerseyville.
The QC has 3 casinos on the Mississippi River. It is the covergence (like Alton with the Illinois and Mississippi) of the Rock and Mississippi Rivers. There are many similarities.
Alright, enough nerdy useless info :)
Just, take a look.
thank census.gov for this by the way...
I took the following areas:
Alton 29,774
Godfrey 16,974
East Alton 6,680
Edwardsville 23,953
Bethalto 9,670
Jerseyville 8,068
Wood River 11,085
All the main towns around home. I added the populations to get a random population over milage number. A total of 106,204 ppl, unless my calculator sucks. This gives an average area population of 15,172, a little smaller than Godfrey.
Besides Alton/Godfrey/E. Alton, that run together, the surrounding towns are kinda spread out. To the closest big city, STL of course (343,279), Jerseyville is the farthest away at 43.5 miles away.
I probably should have included Brighton, but get over it- also I excluded smaller towns like Rosewood Heights, Fosterburg and Cottage Hills (and the like).
Then I took the Quad Cities:
Rock Island 38,807
Moline 42,927
Bettendorf, IA 31,615
Davenport,IA 98,355
E. Moline 21,114
Silvis 7,423
Total pop: 240,241 (nearly the size of STL altogether)
Pop. average: 40,040
I also left out little cities surrounding these. The difference is that there are NO smaller towns in between these listed, only surrounding them. Each town runs directly into one another. If u start in Bettendorf (which also touches Moline), u can head west to Davenport, then south to Rock Island, then East to Moline, keep going East into E. Moline and then Silvis.
Technically its a more populated area, and closer together.... which makes for a pretty big area, the entirety of which tends to remind me a bit of home although the size differences. The closest big city is IN the area, although it is 3 times smaller than STL, Davenport. From one the two farthest ends of the area, on a map (silvis to davenport) is only 16 miles. Roughly the distance from where Alton turns into Godfrey to Jerseyville.
The QC has 3 casinos on the Mississippi River. It is the covergence (like Alton with the Illinois and Mississippi) of the Rock and Mississippi Rivers. There are many similarities.
Alright, enough nerdy useless info :)
Quarter Life Crisis
This is something that was sent to me in a forward. I actually read this one, maybe you should too.
Growing 20's
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that,
>maybe, those friends
> >that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly
>the greatest people
> >you have ever met, and the, people you have lost
>touch with are some of
> >the most important ones.
> >
> >What you don't recognize is that they are realizing
>that too, and aren't
> >really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they
>are as confused as
> >you. You look at your job... and it is not even close
>to what you
> >thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking
>for a job and
> >realizing that you are going to have to start at the
>bottom and that
> >scares you.
> >
> >Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what
>others are doing and
> >find yourself judging more than usual because
>suddenly you realize that
> >you have certain boundaries in your life and are
>constantly adding
> >things to your list of what is acceptable and what
>isn't. One minute,
> >you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh
>and cry with the
> >greatest force of your life. You feel alone and
>scared and confused.
> >Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling
>on to the past with
> >dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting
>further and
> >further away, and there is nothing to do but stay
>where you are or move
> >forward.
> >
> >You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you
>loved could do such
> >damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you
>can't meet anyone
> >decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or
>maybe you love
> >someone but love someone else too and cannot figure
>out why you are
> >doing this because you know that you aren't a bad
>person. One night
> >stands and random hook ups start to look cheap.
>Getting wasted and
> >acting like an idiot don't seem as fun. You go
>through the same emotions
> >and questions over and over, and talk with your
>friends about the same
> >topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
> >
> >You worry about loans, money, the future and making a
>life for
> >yourself... and while winning the race would be
>great, right now you'd
> >just like to be a contender!
> >
> >What you may not realize is that everyone reading
>this relates to it. We
> >are in our best of times and our worst of times,
>trying as hard as we
> >can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your
>twenty-something
> >friends...maybe it will help someone feel like they
>aren't alone in
> >their state of confusion........ "Life is not
>measured by the number of
> >breaths we take, but by the moments that take our
>breath away." It's
> >really amazing when two strangers become the best of
>friends, but it is
> >really sad when the best of friends become two
>strangers! "Give time to
> >love, give time to speak, and give time to share the
>precious thoughts
> >in your mind" -George Carlin
I've been reading friend's blogs and I realize everyone I know feels this way. And I can relate as well. If you want to see my thoughts on this- please visit my xanga. The link is on the right side of this page.
Growing 20's
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that,
>maybe, those friends
> >that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly
>the greatest people
> >you have ever met, and the, people you have lost
>touch with are some of
> >the most important ones.
> >
> >What you don't recognize is that they are realizing
>that too, and aren't
> >really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they
>are as confused as
> >you. You look at your job... and it is not even close
>to what you
> >thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking
>for a job and
> >realizing that you are going to have to start at the
>bottom and that
> >scares you.
> >
> >Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what
>others are doing and
> >find yourself judging more than usual because
>suddenly you realize that
> >you have certain boundaries in your life and are
>constantly adding
> >things to your list of what is acceptable and what
>isn't. One minute,
> >you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh
>and cry with the
> >greatest force of your life. You feel alone and
>scared and confused.
> >Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling
>on to the past with
> >dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting
>further and
> >further away, and there is nothing to do but stay
>where you are or move
> >forward.
> >
> >You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you
>loved could do such
> >damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you
>can't meet anyone
> >decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or
>maybe you love
> >someone but love someone else too and cannot figure
>out why you are
> >doing this because you know that you aren't a bad
>person. One night
> >stands and random hook ups start to look cheap.
>Getting wasted and
> >acting like an idiot don't seem as fun. You go
>through the same emotions
> >and questions over and over, and talk with your
>friends about the same
> >topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
> >
> >You worry about loans, money, the future and making a
>life for
> >yourself... and while winning the race would be
>great, right now you'd
> >just like to be a contender!
> >
> >What you may not realize is that everyone reading
>this relates to it. We
> >are in our best of times and our worst of times,
>trying as hard as we
> >can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your
>twenty-something
> >friends...maybe it will help someone feel like they
>aren't alone in
> >their state of confusion........ "Life is not
>measured by the number of
> >breaths we take, but by the moments that take our
>breath away." It's
> >really amazing when two strangers become the best of
>friends, but it is
> >really sad when the best of friends become two
>strangers! "Give time to
> >love, give time to speak, and give time to share the
>precious thoughts
> >in your mind" -George Carlin
I've been reading friend's blogs and I realize everyone I know feels this way. And I can relate as well. If you want to see my thoughts on this- please visit my xanga. The link is on the right side of this page.
The Whiffle
haha I love when Rachelowe tries to sound ghetto and then she giggles afterward. Makes me feel like I was right there hearing it. Yeah Thomas what Rachelowe said is the best for me.
And Diane, congrats on the interview---- professionals are supposed to be critical. If they're not, you can never improve. (I see your point with the secretary thing BTW) But just take it as they're trying to help you become the BEST u can be. I know that's what u want isn't it? Sounds like you're well on yur way.
My editor is taking us to lunch now. GTG...
And Diane, congrats on the interview---- professionals are supposed to be critical. If they're not, you can never improve. (I see your point with the secretary thing BTW) But just take it as they're trying to help you become the BEST u can be. I know that's what u want isn't it? Sounds like you're well on yur way.
My editor is taking us to lunch now. GTG...
Are you trying to molest me via drive thru?
Sorry I haven't felt like writing lately
So my second job interview went ok. I had to massage their secretary. She was all like ok approach me like I was a client. So I did that. I told her how the massage would work blah blah blah. So I'm massaging her and she like ok well you didn't play the music or dim the lights. I was like lady I don't know how anything works in this room. She expected me to walk in like I knew how the room was setup and everything. Then she told me for a swedish massage I was using too much pressure. Which is bull shit b/c all though school my instuctors told me to use more pressure. There were some other things that she did that I wanted to smack her for. I mean come on how would she know anything about massage. Shes only a secretary and I went to the best massage school in texas! Anyway then another lady finished up my interview and she told me that they would start me off part time since I'm so new at it and in 2 or 3 months move me into full time, but she was going to call me next week. So thats what I'm waiting on.
Mike and I went to see The Honorary Title last night. There were soooo awesome. We went to this venue, Emo's, in Austin to see them. It was a close and intimate setting which made it that much better b/c the two guys in the band are sexy especially the lead singer. The coolest part is I figured Mike would just stand there. He likes them but I figured a lot of guys don't rock out in concerts, especially emo/indie bands, and he totally did! That made my night b/c I knew he was having a great time and I didn't have to worry about if he wasn't. The best parts were when they messed up! Sounds strange, huh? But I look at it like this...they weren't perfectly rehearsed. They were raw...in your soul...unplugged.
(Pic-Black hair is the lead singer/guitar, Jarrod. Brown hair is guitar/keyboard, Aaron. Although he doesn't look overly hot in the pics in person he is sooooo hot.)
So my second job interview went ok. I had to massage their secretary. She was all like ok approach me like I was a client. So I did that. I told her how the massage would work blah blah blah. So I'm massaging her and she like ok well you didn't play the music or dim the lights. I was like lady I don't know how anything works in this room. She expected me to walk in like I knew how the room was setup and everything. Then she told me for a swedish massage I was using too much pressure. Which is bull shit b/c all though school my instuctors told me to use more pressure. There were some other things that she did that I wanted to smack her for. I mean come on how would she know anything about massage. Shes only a secretary and I went to the best massage school in texas! Anyway then another lady finished up my interview and she told me that they would start me off part time since I'm so new at it and in 2 or 3 months move me into full time, but she was going to call me next week. So thats what I'm waiting on.
Mike and I went to see The Honorary Title last night. There were soooo awesome. We went to this venue, Emo's, in Austin to see them. It was a close and intimate setting which made it that much better b/c the two guys in the band are sexy especially the lead singer. The coolest part is I figured Mike would just stand there. He likes them but I figured a lot of guys don't rock out in concerts, especially emo/indie bands, and he totally did! That made my night b/c I knew he was having a great time and I didn't have to worry about if he wasn't. The best parts were when they messed up! Sounds strange, huh? But I look at it like this...they weren't perfectly rehearsed. They were raw...in your soul...unplugged.
(Pic-Black hair is the lead singer/guitar, Jarrod. Brown hair is guitar/keyboard, Aaron. Although he doesn't look overly hot in the pics in person he is sooooo hot.)
7.28.2005
postsecret.blogspot.com
I'm going to mail them one someday:
PostSecret
13345 Copper Ridge Rd
Germantown, Maryland
USA 20874-3454
Check it out
PostSecret
13345 Copper Ridge Rd
Germantown, Maryland
USA 20874-3454
Check it out
Going back in time....
I went back to April and found Diane's old survey, and because I'm waiting for a call, I'm gonna do it. Again.
Four movies you could watch over and over:
1. Super Troopers
2. Napoleon Dynamite
3. Forrest Gump
4. PeeWee's Big Adventure
(and I have seen them all over and over and over again...)
Four objects you touch everyday:
1. computer keyboard
2. my pillow
3. toilet paper
4. doorknob
Four things you do everyday:
1. eat
2. sleep
3. shower
4. blink
Four bands (singers) you couldn't live without:
1. Dave Matthews
2. Journey
3. Beatles
4. NSYNC (haha- its TRUE!)
Four things you love at the moment:
1. the song "Caring is Creepy" by the Shins
2. my Beatles blanket
3. my parents
4. chocolate
3 Favorite songs at the moment:
1. caring is creepy- the shins
2. the look- roxette
3. stay or leave- dave matthews
Two people who have influenced your life the most:
1. mrs. brave
2. marty scott
One thing you could spend the rest of your life with:
1. my photos
BASIC QUESTIONS
my name is: Laura Minette Griffith
in the morning i am: asleep, or filling out surveys online
all I need is: love
love is: (Diane remember this?) LOVE is a TEMPTATION caused by a SENSATION when a guy sticks his LOCATION in a girl's DESTINATION to increase the POPULATION- do u get my EXPLANATION or do u need a DEMONSTRATION?!?!
I’m afraid of: tornadoes, losing my parents
HAVE YOU EVER . . .
fallen for your best friend: yes
been rejected: yes. what do you mean NO diane?!!? are u human?
rejected someone: yes
used someone: maybe a little (i really did like him tho! until he became an ass)
been cheated on: not technically
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON . . .
you talked to: Matt
hugged: my mommy
kissed: Dan Renick, ah hahahaha
you instant messaged: Matt
you laughed with: myself
DO YOU…
color your hair: recently only part of it ;)
habla espanol: no, habla ingles
smoke: no
drink: yes, but not excessively
trust others way too easily? definitely
F I N A L Q U E S T I O N S . . .
I want: a great love
I wish: I'd stop dating losers
I miss: Diane, home (and everyone there), Kate, Ashley, Stephen, Matt, April
I fear: being alone forever, not getting a job a little closer to home than this!!
I hear: ya (haha)
I wonder: whats in a wonderball. do they still make those?
Current Music: the police scanner. davenport is scary.
Four movies you could watch over and over:
1. Super Troopers
2. Napoleon Dynamite
3. Forrest Gump
4. PeeWee's Big Adventure
(and I have seen them all over and over and over again...)
Four objects you touch everyday:
1. computer keyboard
2. my pillow
3. toilet paper
4. doorknob
Four things you do everyday:
1. eat
2. sleep
3. shower
4. blink
Four bands (singers) you couldn't live without:
1. Dave Matthews
2. Journey
3. Beatles
4. NSYNC (haha- its TRUE!)
Four things you love at the moment:
1. the song "Caring is Creepy" by the Shins
2. my Beatles blanket
3. my parents
4. chocolate
3 Favorite songs at the moment:
1. caring is creepy- the shins
2. the look- roxette
3. stay or leave- dave matthews
Two people who have influenced your life the most:
1. mrs. brave
2. marty scott
One thing you could spend the rest of your life with:
1. my photos
BASIC QUESTIONS
my name is: Laura Minette Griffith
in the morning i am: asleep, or filling out surveys online
all I need is: love
love is: (Diane remember this?) LOVE is a TEMPTATION caused by a SENSATION when a guy sticks his LOCATION in a girl's DESTINATION to increase the POPULATION- do u get my EXPLANATION or do u need a DEMONSTRATION?!?!
I’m afraid of: tornadoes, losing my parents
HAVE YOU EVER . . .
fallen for your best friend: yes
been rejected: yes. what do you mean NO diane?!!? are u human?
rejected someone: yes
used someone: maybe a little (i really did like him tho! until he became an ass)
been cheated on: not technically
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON . . .
you talked to: Matt
hugged: my mommy
kissed: Dan Renick, ah hahahaha
you instant messaged: Matt
you laughed with: myself
DO YOU…
color your hair: recently only part of it ;)
habla espanol: no, habla ingles
smoke: no
drink: yes, but not excessively
trust others way too easily? definitely
F I N A L Q U E S T I O N S . . .
I want: a great love
I wish: I'd stop dating losers
I miss: Diane, home (and everyone there), Kate, Ashley, Stephen, Matt, April
I fear: being alone forever, not getting a job a little closer to home than this!!
I hear: ya (haha)
I wonder: whats in a wonderball. do they still make those?
Current Music: the police scanner. davenport is scary.
Evil, Meatballs in a Cup and Deleted Members
DAMN I'M EVIL!
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
P.S. I deleted members who never use this anymore, but I left Cory and Jen in case they change their minds
ALSO- It's food day at the Argus. And I should have waited a little bit. Oh well, by the time all the food's out it'll be time to go at it again!! WOO! Steve is eating meatballs out of a cup. haha.What a way to go out! 4 kinds of chips, meatballs, deviled eggs, tricuits, summer sausage, carrots, honeydew, cantaloupe. I heard talk of Brian bringing lasagna.... I have been a starving intern for too long, haha. My last trip to the rec will not be in vain.
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
| Level | Score |
|---|---|
| Purgatory (Repenting Believers) | Very Low |
| Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) | Moderate |
| Level 2 (Lustful) | Very High |
| Level 3 (Gluttonous) | High |
| Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) | High |
| Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) | High |
| Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) | Very High |
| Level 7 (Violent) | High |
| Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) | High |
| Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) | High |
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
P.S. I deleted members who never use this anymore, but I left Cory and Jen in case they change their minds
ALSO- It's food day at the Argus. And I should have waited a little bit. Oh well, by the time all the food's out it'll be time to go at it again!! WOO! Steve is eating meatballs out of a cup. haha.What a way to go out! 4 kinds of chips, meatballs, deviled eggs, tricuits, summer sausage, carrots, honeydew, cantaloupe. I heard talk of Brian bringing lasagna.... I have been a starving intern for too long, haha. My last trip to the rec will not be in vain.
Guys only like girls who have great skills!
Emily- I added your Webshots to the links on the side of the page if you actually look at the blog. I don't know if U do or if you read it after u sign in, but u can also see posted pictures on the blog if u just do directly to the address. I don't know if you knew.
Since no one but my homeys (hehe) reads this blog I am going to update you all on a truly strange situation- one of which Thomas has heard and Diane heard little bits and pieces of last night.
It seems like I am only attracted to guys who love everyone but me. Themselves. Alcohol. Their friends. Their family. Their ex-girlfriends... but not me.
Which brings us to the topic of today's post- ex-girlfriends. I of all people understand it can take one helluva long time to get over an ex. I mean, u all know that about me. I don't think I was ever truly over it until I could finally truthfully say to myself without a doubt that I didn't like that person anymore. And it took nearly 3 years. So when it's only been several months I know it's hard. And I try to be there for this guy.... But how well can you really console someone about a breakup when you actually wish they could start thinking about someone new- you?
For as long as I've known this person, he and I have flirted hard core. But he was always dating a friend of mine, and so nothing serious ever came about it, and I ignored my crush. It was widely known that she cheated on him, with one of his close friends, but he took her back and still thought it was some fairy tale romance. Then, he graduates. She's got 2 more years to go. Away on an internship- she cheats again, and he ends it for good. I start talking to him online, more and more- after I wrote him one random e-mail while I was bored at work in an effort to catch up. He decides to tell me- and NO ONE ELSE- that they broke up. Later, after all the "it will be okay, I know it sucks now"s, commence the flirting. And it gets more intense each time we have these conversations- until it finally comes out. He says it not me.
My friend is going to visit him this weekend, and he wishes I was coming before her. Why I ask? Because he's in a vulnerable situation and he's afraid of what he might do- Situation: this girl has made it known to him before that she's liked him, and although he doesn't like her like that- it's amazing what ppl will do in his current situation. This bothers him because- get this- while he can't get over his ex and would make out with someone to feel better about it- he wouldn't want to ruin any chances he has with me.
So I tell him what he already knows- if he's looking for a rebound, he had better look elsewhere. We are so much alike, we have so much fun talking and hanging out and we could really be good together. And he knows that. And he agrees- if he were with me, it wouldn't be a rebound situation because he doesn't want to screw up with me- not friends-wise, and not girlfriend-wise. Right now he's really confused. He knows he thinks highly of me, and is attracted to me, and he has said he wants to take a chance, but first he wants to make sure it's what he really wants. Which is great because I don't need him thinking he likes me and then deciding later that it was only because his ex weighed so heavily on his mind and made him lovesick. And I don't want someone whose always going to put me in second place- I deserve better than that. So I've run out of things to say at this point in the convo. He switches aol screen names so he can write his ex an e-mail. He doesn't ever want to talk to her again he says. Her random calls every so often only keep him stringing along, and we both know that. Without trying to sound like a bitch- I tell him he's making the right choice. From my perspective- I tried the keeping in touch thing, and that's what made it take 3 years. But it also hurts, because his ex is my friend too- but then I remind myself she cheated on this wonderful person who would have done anything for her, TWICE, and it's hard not to take sides anymore.
So I try to console him, but inside my head, everything I think to type sounds like "get over it and be my boyfriend." So I don't say much. He goes to bed, emotionally distraught. When I asked if he was going to be ok, without much hesitation- he said "no." (I've been in that place, and I know he's not in his right mind, but still...)
It's a bad sign, and I know inevitably there aren't chances for him and me at this point. I could never date someone who otherwise would be perfect for me, but can't seem to let go of someone who treated him like shit. Do we like that? What's wrong with us??!? Ugh. Enough. Kbye
Long post, sorry.
Since no one but my homeys (hehe) reads this blog I am going to update you all on a truly strange situation- one of which Thomas has heard and Diane heard little bits and pieces of last night.
It seems like I am only attracted to guys who love everyone but me. Themselves. Alcohol. Their friends. Their family. Their ex-girlfriends... but not me.
Which brings us to the topic of today's post- ex-girlfriends. I of all people understand it can take one helluva long time to get over an ex. I mean, u all know that about me. I don't think I was ever truly over it until I could finally truthfully say to myself without a doubt that I didn't like that person anymore. And it took nearly 3 years. So when it's only been several months I know it's hard. And I try to be there for this guy.... But how well can you really console someone about a breakup when you actually wish they could start thinking about someone new- you?
For as long as I've known this person, he and I have flirted hard core. But he was always dating a friend of mine, and so nothing serious ever came about it, and I ignored my crush. It was widely known that she cheated on him, with one of his close friends, but he took her back and still thought it was some fairy tale romance. Then, he graduates. She's got 2 more years to go. Away on an internship- she cheats again, and he ends it for good. I start talking to him online, more and more- after I wrote him one random e-mail while I was bored at work in an effort to catch up. He decides to tell me- and NO ONE ELSE- that they broke up. Later, after all the "it will be okay, I know it sucks now"s, commence the flirting. And it gets more intense each time we have these conversations- until it finally comes out. He says it not me.
My friend is going to visit him this weekend, and he wishes I was coming before her. Why I ask? Because he's in a vulnerable situation and he's afraid of what he might do- Situation: this girl has made it known to him before that she's liked him, and although he doesn't like her like that- it's amazing what ppl will do in his current situation. This bothers him because- get this- while he can't get over his ex and would make out with someone to feel better about it- he wouldn't want to ruin any chances he has with me.
So I tell him what he already knows- if he's looking for a rebound, he had better look elsewhere. We are so much alike, we have so much fun talking and hanging out and we could really be good together. And he knows that. And he agrees- if he were with me, it wouldn't be a rebound situation because he doesn't want to screw up with me- not friends-wise, and not girlfriend-wise. Right now he's really confused. He knows he thinks highly of me, and is attracted to me, and he has said he wants to take a chance, but first he wants to make sure it's what he really wants. Which is great because I don't need him thinking he likes me and then deciding later that it was only because his ex weighed so heavily on his mind and made him lovesick. And I don't want someone whose always going to put me in second place- I deserve better than that. So I've run out of things to say at this point in the convo. He switches aol screen names so he can write his ex an e-mail. He doesn't ever want to talk to her again he says. Her random calls every so often only keep him stringing along, and we both know that. Without trying to sound like a bitch- I tell him he's making the right choice. From my perspective- I tried the keeping in touch thing, and that's what made it take 3 years. But it also hurts, because his ex is my friend too- but then I remind myself she cheated on this wonderful person who would have done anything for her, TWICE, and it's hard not to take sides anymore.
So I try to console him, but inside my head, everything I think to type sounds like "get over it and be my boyfriend." So I don't say much. He goes to bed, emotionally distraught. When I asked if he was going to be ok, without much hesitation- he said "no." (I've been in that place, and I know he's not in his right mind, but still...)
It's a bad sign, and I know inevitably there aren't chances for him and me at this point. I could never date someone who otherwise would be perfect for me, but can't seem to let go of someone who treated him like shit. Do we like that? What's wrong with us??!? Ugh. Enough. Kbye
Long post, sorry.
7.27.2005
A lot of catching up..
Dang, I really fell out of the blog in the past month. I apologize for that, but hopefully I can get myself back on track. I need to update everyone on my situation, as well as catch up on a lilreading, hehe. I have been doing nothing but dating, partying and work. That is pretty much it, and between those three things I have had NO time whatsoever. But I've managed to write now. I'm still long distance dating Marc in B-town soon to be NYC. I will see him again on September 1st or 2nd, when I go to North Carolina with my family. I am, also, (maybe not now though) dating a guy named Curtis. Feel free to stop at my webshots and check him out, I recently updated it. I am also somewhat dating Adam again, I don't see that going anywher though. I don't know that I'm dating Curtis anymore because he became very jealous last night when I told him that Adam is coming down on Saturday (which he was cool with two days ago). Anyway, that is really messed up right now because I don't want a serious relationship, or a relationship at all for that matter, but he does. So, we'll see where that goes, and if it doesn't work out then oh well.
My house is a complete disaster because I've had a couple of major parties and have failed to clean up after any of them, and I had 5 sorority sisters stay the weekend with me. You can only imagine the mess. For those who saw the damage after 4th of July, this is 5xs worse.
Also, I've decided in the last couple of days that I am going to cut waaaayyy far back on my drinking. Its kinda been getting out of control this month, like spending over 100 a weekend on nothing but booze, and the occasional waking up and not remembering going to bed, or what you did a couple of hours b4 u went to bed. It was fun and all but I'm way too poor and wakin up to not remembering scares me, even though I'm around friends.
Well I need to clean and get at least some stuff done tonight. Bbbyyyyeeeee
My house is a complete disaster because I've had a couple of major parties and have failed to clean up after any of them, and I had 5 sorority sisters stay the weekend with me. You can only imagine the mess. For those who saw the damage after 4th of July, this is 5xs worse.
Also, I've decided in the last couple of days that I am going to cut waaaayyy far back on my drinking. Its kinda been getting out of control this month, like spending over 100 a weekend on nothing but booze, and the occasional waking up and not remembering going to bed, or what you did a couple of hours b4 u went to bed. It was fun and all but I'm way too poor and wakin up to not remembering scares me, even though I'm around friends.
Well I need to clean and get at least some stuff done tonight. Bbbyyyyeeeee
Thank you for bein a friend.......
remember when we were characters from the Golden Girls? I took the emode test and got Rose! Woohoo!
2 days after this one
The last couple days are never as monotonous as the rest of the time it seems.
That's because they are filled with some possible, and some probable "lasts."
Today, for example. I finished my last assigned story. I have a feeling he won't give me anything else unless he knows it can be finished in a day. Otherwise, what would be the point? I guess what I had found could be passed on to another reporter, probably Darla, but she has her own stuff to be working on.
Tomorrow will be the last day I wish it was the last day. Ha. Also, it will be the last day I enjoy free food in the newsroom, and the last time I have to eat a skimpy dinner cuz I have nothing in the fridge. My visit to the rec will be my last. And my night's sleep will be the last night I spend alone in the Quad Cities.
Friday will be full of lasts. My last day in the newsroom. My last 8 hrs spent at the Argus. My last lunch with Darla. My last view of the District, Davenport or the Centennial Bridge.... If I know my parents, the last time I set foot in a QC casino. The last time I sleep in my Augie dorm room. The last shower I take in a community bathroom, the last time I rely on a tiny fridge to supply food for me to live. It will also be my last night on the town(s) with the 'rents. Maybe I will come back here someday, to visit if nothing else. The area is a quaint, comfy one, with a definitely homely presence- yet not small enough to be hickier than my own hometown.
This summer was my last as a student. My last trip to 4 different county fairs in 9 weeks. My last chance to live away from home, knowing I'm coming back after two months. My last to live it up until I reach adulthood, that word that scares many of my friends.
And Saturday morning, I will look in the rearview mirror and watch Rock Island and then Moline slowly disappear, for the last time.
It will be sad, now that the wait seems inevitably over. It's a shame that I focus so hard on wanting to get out I never get to actually experience a place until it's almost gone. Then it's too late.
I find myself smiling because I hear Steve say something stupid or because Brian is telling me to get out of his way (jokingly) and to print out clips on my own time. Standing by Kurt and the printer, I remember the time he told me to tell my parents "hi" even though he had never met him, and I realize I only hung out with these people once.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad it's about over. I know if I had another chance I'd take the easy way out and count down the days till I reach home sweet Godfrey, Ill. Just thinking...... daydreaming, what else is new?
That's because they are filled with some possible, and some probable "lasts."
Today, for example. I finished my last assigned story. I have a feeling he won't give me anything else unless he knows it can be finished in a day. Otherwise, what would be the point? I guess what I had found could be passed on to another reporter, probably Darla, but she has her own stuff to be working on.
Tomorrow will be the last day I wish it was the last day. Ha. Also, it will be the last day I enjoy free food in the newsroom, and the last time I have to eat a skimpy dinner cuz I have nothing in the fridge. My visit to the rec will be my last. And my night's sleep will be the last night I spend alone in the Quad Cities.
Friday will be full of lasts. My last day in the newsroom. My last 8 hrs spent at the Argus. My last lunch with Darla. My last view of the District, Davenport or the Centennial Bridge.... If I know my parents, the last time I set foot in a QC casino. The last time I sleep in my Augie dorm room. The last shower I take in a community bathroom, the last time I rely on a tiny fridge to supply food for me to live. It will also be my last night on the town(s) with the 'rents. Maybe I will come back here someday, to visit if nothing else. The area is a quaint, comfy one, with a definitely homely presence- yet not small enough to be hickier than my own hometown.
This summer was my last as a student. My last trip to 4 different county fairs in 9 weeks. My last chance to live away from home, knowing I'm coming back after two months. My last to live it up until I reach adulthood, that word that scares many of my friends.
And Saturday morning, I will look in the rearview mirror and watch Rock Island and then Moline slowly disappear, for the last time.
It will be sad, now that the wait seems inevitably over. It's a shame that I focus so hard on wanting to get out I never get to actually experience a place until it's almost gone. Then it's too late.
I find myself smiling because I hear Steve say something stupid or because Brian is telling me to get out of his way (jokingly) and to print out clips on my own time. Standing by Kurt and the printer, I remember the time he told me to tell my parents "hi" even though he had never met him, and I realize I only hung out with these people once.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad it's about over. I know if I had another chance I'd take the easy way out and count down the days till I reach home sweet Godfrey, Ill. Just thinking...... daydreaming, what else is new?
7.26.2005
and----
they didnt even need my expert advice about diane's work skills. i guess simply my name will do the trick. they see she has laura griffith as a source and they're like--HIRE HER IMMEDIATELY!~ just kidding- good job though, and good luck even if u don't need it. so i'm eating an apple and typing with excellent precision using my one free hand. today is nearly thru- 3 days left, the countdown continues. currently, i have apple stuck in my tooth. argh.
7.24.2005
Here she comes to save the day...
I have a second interview!!! Yay! I go give a practice massage to one of the people on tuesday so I'll let y'all know. I'm nervous! I really want to work for these people. This isn't just something ordinary. They massage business men like CEO and presidents of companies! Which means big bucks!
I think I'll be coming home sometime around Thanksgiving or so. I'll keep everyone posted b/c I'll be making trips around to everyones school for sure! xoxo
I think I'll be coming home sometime around Thanksgiving or so. I'll keep everyone posted b/c I'll be making trips around to everyones school for sure! xoxo