Emily- I added your Webshots to the links on the side of the page if you actually look at the blog. I don't know if U do or if you read it after u sign in, but u can also see posted pictures on the blog if u just do directly to the address. I don't know if you knew.
Since no one but my homeys (hehe) reads this blog I am going to update you all on a truly strange situation- one of which Thomas has heard and Diane heard little bits and pieces of last night.
It seems like I am only attracted to guys who love everyone but me. Themselves. Alcohol. Their friends. Their family. Their ex-girlfriends... but not me.
Which brings us to the topic of today's post- ex-girlfriends. I of all people understand it can take one helluva long time to get over an ex. I mean, u all know that about me. I don't think I was ever truly over it until I could finally truthfully say to myself without a doubt that I didn't like that person anymore. And it took nearly 3 years. So when it's only been several months I know it's hard. And I try to be there for this guy.... But how well can you really console someone about a breakup when you actually wish they could start thinking about someone new- you?
For as long as I've known this person, he and I have flirted hard core. But he was always dating a friend of mine, and so nothing serious ever came about it, and I ignored my crush. It was widely known that she cheated on him, with one of his close friends, but he took her back and still thought it was some fairy tale romance. Then, he graduates. She's got 2 more years to go. Away on an internship- she cheats again, and he ends it for good. I start talking to him online, more and more- after I wrote him one random e-mail while I was bored at work in an effort to catch up. He decides to tell me- and NO ONE ELSE- that they broke up. Later, after all the "it will be okay, I know it sucks now"s, commence the flirting. And it gets more intense each time we have these conversations- until it finally comes out. He says it not me.
My friend is going to visit him this weekend, and he wishes I was coming before her. Why I ask? Because he's in a vulnerable situation and he's afraid of what he might do- Situation: this girl has made it known to him before that she's liked him, and although he doesn't like her like that- it's amazing what ppl will do in his current situation. This bothers him because- get this- while he can't get over his ex and would make out with someone to feel better about it- he wouldn't want to ruin any chances he has with me.
So I tell him what he already knows- if he's looking for a rebound, he had better look elsewhere. We are so much alike, we have so much fun talking and hanging out and we could really be good together. And he knows that. And he agrees- if he were with me, it wouldn't be a rebound situation because he doesn't want to screw up with me- not friends-wise, and not girlfriend-wise. Right now he's really confused. He knows he thinks highly of me, and is attracted to me, and he has said he wants to take a chance, but first he wants to make sure it's what he really wants. Which is great because I don't need him thinking he likes me and then deciding later that it was only because his ex weighed so heavily on his mind and made him lovesick. And I don't want someone whose always going to put me in second place- I deserve better than that. So I've run out of things to say at this point in the convo. He switches aol screen names so he can write his ex an e-mail. He doesn't ever want to talk to her again he says. Her random calls every so often only keep him stringing along, and we both know that. Without trying to sound like a bitch- I tell him he's making the right choice. From my perspective- I tried the keeping in touch thing, and that's what made it take 3 years. But it also hurts, because his ex is my friend too- but then I remind myself she cheated on this wonderful person who would have done anything for her, TWICE, and it's hard not to take sides anymore.
So I try to console him, but inside my head, everything I think to type sounds like "get over it and be my boyfriend." So I don't say much. He goes to bed, emotionally distraught. When I asked if he was going to be ok, without much hesitation- he said "no." (I've been in that place, and I know he's not in his right mind, but still...)
It's a bad sign, and I know inevitably there aren't chances for him and me at this point. I could never date someone who otherwise would be perfect for me, but can't seem to let go of someone who treated him like shit. Do we like that? What's wrong with us??!? Ugh. Enough. Kbye
Long post, sorry.
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